I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. The journey that I’ve been on since rethinking who Jesus is and what the gospel means has been very challenging to say the least. The light shined on me so brightly that it blinded me. Leaving me without sight unable to navigate through this wilderness that I find myself in. When you encounter Jesus he turns your world upside down. All things change, your outlook, your treatment of people, your ambitions, everything.
I once considered success in many different forms, I was highly ambitious, accomplished many great things in my life. But today I’m blinded by the light. I Can’t see. I Can’t find myself out of the wilderness. I’m dying slowly and painfully in order to let Jesus live in me. I’m being born anew as John says in his Gospel. Constantly repenting of my false views of God, and trying to understand and make sense of His compassionate and merciful ways.
People have asked me more than once “what’s your vision (as a pastor)”? An odd thing to ask a blind man? I sit and wait on the Lord, hoping I’ll be healed from this blindness so that I may find my way out of this wilderness. It’s been long and tiresome.
I know that God let our paths cross for a reason, and he is at the helm, guiding this ship. So I’m at peace with that. Maybe that’s the answer, just trust him, lean on him, hold his hand and let him guide me out.
For now all I can see is his beauty, love, mercy and compassion he has for his creation.